Insomniac

I can't believe it's 1:14am and I am still wide awake. It must be the stress of moving tomorrow. Usually, I am so well prepared but for some reason, I haven't been able to motivate myself to pack. The problem with being awake late at night is that I can't shut my mind off. My brain wanders and I think about work, school and life in general.

Of course, after I go through all of that, I move on to wondering about previous relationships. Not a good thing to think about at 1:16am. I have been in relationships enough to know what I want and don't want and what I need and don't need. I need someone who will be there for me, someone stable and reliable. I want someone who can make me laugh and isn't afraid to try new things. I don't want someone who uses me as a placeholder until something better comes along or who is afraid to be alone so tries to forge a relationship rather than be lonely for a little while. I don't need a boy masquerading as a man.

So, that is where my mind leads me at 1:23am. Being single does have it's pros and cons. Yes, it gets lonely and yes, it would be nice to have someone to snuggle with in the middle of the night or to be there for me and maybe rub my feet when I've had a crappy day. But, there are upsides to being single. I can do what I want, when I want and not have to check in with anyone. I can eat chocolate frosting for dinner and not have someone look at me like I'm crazy. I can wear my ratty old sweatpants with the hole in the ass around the house because I don't have to look nice for someone.

Maybe, someday, I'll give the whole relationship thing another try, but right now, it's time to concentrate on myself and what I want and what I need and where I am going in life. Life is too short to be in a job you don't like, or in an unfulfilling relationship or to be surrounded by friends that you don't really care for.

I am rambling so I must be exhausted. Time to try to go to sleep again. Poor B! He's practically passed out on the bed. He had a hard day of sleeping, eating and playing with his catnip mouse.