I am somebody!

I started reading a book on self-esteem last night. Cheesy, I know, but it's the one thing that has really been missing from my life for awhile. It took me awhile to figure it out but it finally all came together last week. For some reason, my trip to Chicago was very cathartic in a lot of ways and this was one of the realizations I had. This book has been very eye-opening, because I realize the reason I am so hard on myself, and on other people, is because I don't feel very good about myself.

The first chapter talks about the "inner critic", that little voice everyone has that is always critiquing everything they do. Mine is always telling me I'm not good enough, which sometimes forces me want to try harder and other times just makes me want to give up . It's pretty damn hard to shut that thing up too. The inner critic can only see the bad things, never the good. And, because I am human, it is much easier to believe the bad and listen to the critic, then to be able to see any good.

The book itself is very dry, and I only read the first chapter, but that was about all I needed to realize that I have to cut myself some slack. In doing so for myself, I will be able to do the same for other people. For example, one of my colleagues that I have a difficult time getting along with is a huge perfectionist. She can be very hard to work with because if you make a mistake, she is not nice about it. After mulling over this whole "inner critic" thing, I came to realize that she must have a huge voice that pushes her to be perfect. Then, I actually started to feel sorry for her, because I have lived that life and I understand why she does the things she does.

So, even after only reading one chapter, I realize that I have exceedingly high expectations of both myself and other people, and I need to let go of those. No one is perfect. But, I don't want to be perfect. I just want to be me, but to like myself for just being me and to have other people like me too. As Dr. Phil so wisely puts it "If you don't love yourself, why would anyone else want to?"